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Life Post Graduation

Jun. 20th, 2006 | 11:50 pm

There is no easy way to put it.

I'm scared.

Okay, so maybe it's easy.
Maybe it's simple.
But my problem isn't.

I have no money. And thousands upon thousands of dollars I need to spend.

I have to buy my own car. I have to pay for my own college education.

I am so SICK of being an adult. I had to be a parent at age 10. I've been completely financially responsible for myself for a year.
My dad helps me out as much as he can, but its only enough to keep me scraping by with what expenses I have now. Add a car payment, insurance, gas... and SCHOOL!

I am so scared. It makes me cry. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I can't do one without the other. If I don't go to school full time, I lose my health insurance. If I don't get a car... How am I going to get to school?
As it is, I'm stuck going to community college because I didn't realize the FAFSA deadline was approaching so fast. All fault of my own, but it only makes the blow worse.

And my manager gave me the big speech tonight. He sat me down in the back office
"Sarah, I want to give you your own store. I want you to be a manager"
Sarah sits for a second.
"Kevin, I don't want my own store. I just want to be Athletics Lead, maybe Cash Lead, and to work and go to school"
Kevin looks at Sarah.
"Sarah, I know a 24 year old General Manager who makes over $40 thousand a year. How many 24 year old's do you know with that paycheck?"
Sarah sits and thinks.
Kevin smiles.
"Exactly. I know a Regional Manager who makes over $100 a year"
Sarah gives blank stare.

...........So back to my initial point.

PS: I love Ryan!

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A Life Like Mine

Feb. 26th, 2006 | 01:10 pm
mood: loved loved
music: Shakira

I never thought I would have this life.

I absolutely love Ryan

he is my best friend.
hands down.

If I have to cry. I go to Ryan.
If I want to laugh. I go to Ryan.
If I'm annoyed. I go to Ryan.
If I'm frustrated. I go to Ryan.
If I have a stupid joke. I go to Ryan.
If I just want to talk. I go to Ryan.

I tell him EVERYTHING.

it's a relationship I've never had with anyone before. It's UNCONDITIONAL.

And he's ALWAYS there for me.
Even if its inconvenient.


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(no subject)

Jan. 13th, 2006 | 07:19 am

Winter break was beautiful. My 2 and a half weeks of no school were absolutely glorious. And even when I went back to school, I didn't mind. At first, yeah. I was totally bummed to be back in the monotonous cycle that is the Big Herm. But after getting back into the groove, and getting used to having work to do again... it was fine. We really jumped into our One-Act (AAA Schools have competition in winter) and our script is awesome. We could totally win... so long as we don't run over our time... which is VERY possible due to the quick cuts and overlapping lines that no one seems to get down.

But I've really gotten used to having Ryan home. Being able to call him, say I'm sad or that I really miss him, and hear him say "I'll be there in an hour". And tomorrow is the last day I'll get to see him. Our life together is so beautiful, that going back to a life without him in my everyday.... is so unappealing. And makes me quite sad. But I know that I have him forever. I've never trusted in something so much... certainly not my family.

Speaking of family... mother is taking father and I to court (on an exam day). So if anyone actually reads this, and cares... ask me on the phone or something, because its most definitely not a subject I'll put down in writing for anyone to read.

But aside from that, my life is absolutely beautiful


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(no subject)

Jan. 8th, 2006 | 12:49 pm
mood: grateful grateful
music: Unwritten//Natasha Bedingfield

So basically I'm happy with my life. Heather called me last night, and made me remember just how much I love her. I could sense how much she's changed just by spending an hour on the phone with her... but OH HOW I MISS HER!!!

Ryan has brought so much joy to my life. It's pointless to try to explain.
In fact, he'll be here in 2 hours and we're going to spend the evening with all his extended family for his 20th birthday (the old fart)

My work hours have dropped dramatically because we've hired so many new associates to get us through the holiday, and plus payroll dropped. So now I'm working no more than 20 hours a week, and I love it

I don't really have much to say. Just felt sorry for my poor neglected livejournal.

I'm just a happy camper

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(no subject)

Dec. 17th, 2005 | 06:43 pm

MySpace Survey '06
BaSiC InFo
Name:Sarah Ann
Birthdate:September 26, 1987
Current Location:GlaVa
Eye Color:Bluish
Hair Color:Brown
Height:5' 1"
What's Your....
Zodiac Sign:Libra
Ethnicity:I'm a white chick
Body Type:Gosh, I don't know
Favorite Food:Prolly Cucumbers
Favorite Drink:Sweet Tea
Baseball Team:New York Yankees
(when) Bedtime:Nonexistant
Favorite Color(s):Pink
Favorite Letter:S
Favorite Number:25
Favorite Animal:Kttiy
Favorite Messenger:AIM
Favorite Store:Abercrombie
Most Missed Memory:Living in peace
Best Physical Feature:My left pinkie.... LOL IDK
Overused Phrase:Hollerrr *sideways peace sign*
First Thought Waking Up:Is It really 6:30 already?
Goal for this year:4.4
Weakness:Total Procrastinator
Fears:Being alone, Not being good enough, dark
Heritage:German on my dad's. Mom doesn't know
Longest Relationship:3 years
School's Name:Hermitage
Favorite TV Show:Law & Order SVU
Have You Ever....
Dyed Your Hair:Nope
Tried To Do The Splits:All the time, I used to cheer
Tried To Do A Backbend:Duh. Cheerleader
Tried To Do A Cartwheel:I mean.... DUH
Tried To Do A Handstand:Yep
Tried To Act Perfect:Haha, doesn't everyone
Get A Detention Of Any Kind From Not Doin Anything:Yeah actually
Skinny Dipped:Nope
Had Sex:Nope
Kissed/Huged An Opposite Sex:Yeah....
Kissed/Huged The Same Sex As You:Hah, Not
Been Dumped:Yes
Done Drugs:Nope
Had A Boyfriend/Girlfriend:Yes, currently
Ate Sushi:Not yet
Loved Someone:Currently
In A Guy/Gurl....
Fav Eye Color:Blue
Fav Hair Color:Brown
Short or Long Hair:Short
Height:Taller than me
Weight:Whatever fits him
Looks Or Personality:Personality all the way, that makes them attractive
Love or Money:Love DUH
Hot Or Cute:Ryan is both
Drugs and/or Alcohol:Hah, neither
Muscular or Really Skinny:I have a boyfriend, and love him the way he is
Sexy or Shmexy----> lmao!:Uhh, sexy?
Random...:I believe this was supposed to be a headline
How Do You Want To Die?:Haven't put that much thought into it
What country do you want to Visit:England
Been to the Mall Lately:All the time
Do you like Thunderstorms:Not really
Shower Daily:of course
Do you Sing:Horribly
Want to go to College:Yes
Clothes:Jeans, Tee, and Hoodie
Hair Do:Down
Phone:On my left
Phone Number:Those who need it, have it
Weather:Dark, Cold, Looking ready for snow
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d

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Who Would Have Known

Nov. 20th, 2005 | 10:47 pm

It's strange to look at my life now.....and then compare it with who I was. The difference is amazing...

I remember how depressed I was....how much I wanted a change....how hard everything was. And then now.... everything comes so easy. My smiles, my laughs, forgiveness. HAPPINESS.

So many things have changed. My mother and I can talk and have a civil conversation. My dad lets me be who I am. I make good money. I make good grades. My new friends are awesome. My old friends try.

God had just worked in my life in ways I never knew he was. All the pain and anger, and hurt....all of it...was in preparation for the life I'm leading now. I'm a strong person and I know it. I know its because of everything my mother put me through emotionally. I know how to appreciate what I have now because I never had anything.... on the outside my life may have seemed normal. But my friends knew....they could see the pain I tried to hard to hide. And what's more....they see its completely gone now. To have people who used to look at me with sympathy, look at me, smile, and remark how happy I am, how much healthier I look....it's nice.

I never thought I would have all i do. I seriously thought my life would never change...and that SAME week I finally submitted to God and told Him it was all His will... thats the same week that workings began happening to make changes in my favor... exactly what I wanted.

I love the Lord.

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I Quit

Nov. 10th, 2005 | 06:46 pm
mood: fed up fed up

Okay, I give up.

Friends are friends as long as everything comes easy and I'm always there ready to give up everything so long as you can be happy.

Which is shit.

I give up on friends. From now on, I'm concerned only about those who are concerned about me as well. I told myself i wasn't going to go out on a limb anymore, and I definitely did.
But yeah, I'm finished.

Ryan is my best friend because he actually makes the effort to see me, even when its not the most convenient thing in the world. So I return the favor.
I finally saw Katie, which was nice.
Heather and I are both uber busy, but never forget each other.

Yeah, that's it.

Thanks guys.

Oh, but fo' real. The comments on my myspace made me smile.
So thanks =)

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(no subject)

Nov. 6th, 2005 | 10:29 am
mood: angry angry

So I am in love with my life. Really I am. But I came across this realization. "Best Friends" is a truly empty term. Those who I told everything, those who meant everything...are nothing to me now. I am so tired of making attempt after attempt to keep in contact with those who said "We're going to be friends forever" And no, I'm naive enough to have believed that. I have never been naive enough to think that high school friends will be friends forever. I'm just surprised, and quite hurt, at how quickly friendships can deteriorate. A little thing called distance, and everyone gives up. Heather...I love her. She's the kind of person who I can go years without speaking to, and I know it will be like we never left off. Adrynne, I love her too. Although we're both really busy, we still talk to each other and make plans to see each other. Ryan...I see him all the time. He makes every effort to visit me, and spend time with me. And for that, and so many other reasons, I love him. I truly love him. I could write about him all day, but words in a journal could never give meaning to how he makes me feel. I've tried time and time again to explain it, but no one understands until they see us together. He is my everything...as long as I have him, I can go on.
And it surprises me who else tries to keep in touch with me. People who I talked to, but was never extremely close with...those very people I thought would fade out of my life are the ones who are taking the time to stay in it.
But those who would come to me and be my best friend....have completely ignored me. I've made offer after offer about how I would love to see them...yet they are always too busy. Or something has come up. And yet, after looking at what kind of life they are living...yes, they are busy....but its busy by choice. Busy spending time with other people...so yeah. I understand. I spend my time with all my new friends, and I have a great time. But they aren't the people I grew up with, they aren't the people who got me through some of the hardest things in my life. And the fact that those who helped make me so strong have just strolled out of my life, no matter how hard I try to keep them in it, have just up and left me....it hurts.
I give up time with my boyfriend, who I only see once or twice a month, to spend time with my friends...who end up ditching me, or leaving me hanging.

And I'm sick of it.

So I'm done. If you wanna hang out, take it upon yourself. I'm tired of begging to keep my friends. Do it yourself.

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(no subject)

Oct. 8th, 2005 | 05:31 pm

So being busy kinda sucks.

I work a lot. But I like it.

I have a lot of school work. But I have good grades.

I don't sleep a lot. And its obvious.

My social life is nearly at zero. And it sucks.

But the funny thing is, I've never been this happy! :-)


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(no subject)

Sep. 28th, 2005 | 07:24 am

I work a lot.

I really do.

Kinda aggravating.

Dad says I have to quit.


I like that job.

I just work too much.


I love Ryan.

He is my world.

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